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http://www.inquisitr.com/20953/sperm-don
Have a Hand Job and get PAID!
When you think about communist countries, you might think workers toiling in the field, mass production lines, and faceless bureaucrats. What you might not have considered is that this drive for efficiency and standardization reaches into every aspect of life, including the local sperm bank.
In Shanghai, sperm donation comes with a special touch, as the images above and below show.
Slamxhype reports that to donate, you need to go for a health check, then you must abstain from sexual activity 4 days prior your visit. You can go 4-5 times a month, and each time you will get a maximum 3 hand jobs can donate three times. Better still, they pay you RMB200 ( US$30 ) for the visit.
- Mood:
horny
Limpeh is back after so long.
Just like my good friend from www.gutteruncensored.com.
Say that he will be back in a few days.. never blog anything for the last few weeks...
You all need to know... horny people like us are busy people.
Why? Because we are achievers in life.
We are high in Testosterone.
We are born hunters.
Born to be great.
Recently, my good bro has been going out with his new girlfriend.
Of course, as usual.. if we men, want to get into her skirt, we got to learn to pay for the services.
Either a direct payment, just like in Geylang.
Or indirect through food, shopping, movies and surprise presents. (Aka ROMANCE)
So as a concern brudder, Limpeh ask my good friend:
"Hey bro, after the movie yestreday, you manage to send her home and up her?"
My good buddy replied: " Wah lao eh.. where go so fast one?"
Limpeh: "Wah.. so long already still not up her?"
"What's your budget for her man?"
The following have to be quoted adn learnt for those of my bros, who either have a girlfriend, wife, planning to get married, buying presents OR have to spend anything at all for women.
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My good brudder replied:
"As usual. It is always LOW BUDGET."
Well said bro.
Another lesson learnt for limpeh.
- Mood: horny
Limpeh is bored in the office.
Fuck CNBC.
Fuck the finance news.
Every fuck day is the same bullshit.
Tired of surfing finance articles
Got to see some sexy pics instead...
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!!
( Too Fucking R(A) to show... )</div>
- Mood:
uncomfortable
Seriously... what's up the T-shirt bra?
Recently, limpeh's friend went shopping with his girlfriend.
Best thing is that they went to shop for lingerie, of course, as a guy, he asked for the most lacy colourful bra on the rack.
Why bright colour?
Limpeh do not know. Limpeh is not a scientist or a biologist?
To limpeh, it just turn me on.
Like in a hard on.
My friend was complaining to me:
"bro, what the fuck is wrong with the bra company? inventing all the t-shirt bra?"
"Don't they knw that men likes to see women wearing lacy bra, especially, when we can see the lace pressing againt the cotton material of their top."
Limpeh:
"You are so right bro. Fuck the bra company, I always think that only women with small neh neh wears t-shrt bra."
So what your breasts looks round and smooth?
It is still small to feel
So what if you wear a lacy bra inside a tight t-shirt and the fucking lace is seen through the t-shirt?
Even you are a small neh neh.. men still see. Becasue is sibeh sexy meh.
If you have BIG neh neh, better still.
BIG Breasts Lacy Bra = HARD ON.
So what's the fucking point of a t-shirt bra?
End of the day, my friend's girlfriend still bought her T-shirt bra.
T-shirt bra, gross isnt it?
And because my horny friend, want to see her girlfriend in the lacy wacoal bra, that look like those Jap AV girls are wearing,; bought that bra for his girlfriend.
Lacy Bra
So it was a WIN-WIN-WIN situation.
Women get to have a 2nd bra for free.
Men get to see the lacy bra on his girlfirend.
And Singapore economy is boosted because of increse sales; job and money created.
Who says horni-ness cant do shit for the economy.
Period.
All the self shot, compliments from Sggirls.com.
Notice, Lacy bra makes a different.
- Mood: horny
Fucking cb.
Time and effort.
Some more limpeh now hook to reading sammyboy and this new website.
www.gutteruncensored.com
Wah... inside the news si beh juicy leh.
Of course without fail, there those naked pictures of bloggers and even the recent malaysian politician.
Recently, one of limpeh female colleagues asked linpeh:
"Eh.. fatty, how come you are not on my FB list?"
Listen liao, immediately got a hard on.
"FB list?" Limpeh was thinking.
Of course, she is those with a slender legs and at least a C cup breast one.
Limpeh was thinking to myself.. "FB list, like in Fuck buddy? Si beh song leh. Limpeh can be your Fuck Buddy anytime anywhere!"
"What's your email address?" My colleague asked.
"Wah.. Si beh sopng liao. So fast want to email me the details?" Limpeh was talking to myself.
"Added you already hor. Go check. I chat you tonight." came the reply.
Fucking cb.
A woman FB means FACE BOOK.
Limpeh FB means FUCK BUDDY.
Maybe reading too much Sammyboy forum.
Anway, while limpeh was surfing youtube, came across a damn fucking disgusting video of all those UGLY Singaporean Ah Pek.
Who don't even want to go KTV, pay and fuck.
They want to pay, FUCK, FUCK Again.FUCK again and the girl still can do house work for him.
Some more confirm virgin by doctor.
Fuck those disgusting Ah Pek.
KNN
Enjoy the clip.
- Mood: horny
If you are the type of char bor who like fresh flowers for V day.
Then either you are OLD liao or you are a xiao mei mei, just about reaching puberty.
Then if you are the type of char bor, who finds buying fresh flowers are such a cliche.
Then most probably, you have seen your 1st kuku jiao and in your teens, rebellious age.
So uncool to be sent fresh flowers, rather spend the money on better things..
Trust limpeh, when you are older, you want your BF to send you fresh flowers.
CB, Limpeh knows. Coz, some of limpeh friends went to thomson road to buy raw stalks of roses, just to save that few fucking bucks to satisfy their Gf, so that to get a few more bonks and BJ.
Let limpeh share a litte secret of the boys.
You girls, we use type of flowers to gauge your age group.
You girls can also use this measurement to gauge us.
PRE PUBERTY boys only ask for Hand Job.
TEENAGE boys, always want to teh neh neh and ask for Blow job.
REAL MEN (like limpeh) will ask for everything under the sky and everywhere.
OLD MEN will beg you just for something and anywhere, just to try his own functionality.
Happy Valentine's day.
That is the day, when girl loses virginity and boys ask for them.
Good luck. Godspeed, my dear bros...
Fuck.
Limpeh can't blieve that limpeh still got to work.
KNN.
PERIOD.
- Mood: horny
had a round of this fucking wicked drink, Absthine.
Wah... cheebye... It is like a fucking green poison.
75% of alcohol...
So as usual... we were talking about SEX.
Greywolf: "Yo bro! you know our bruuder, Ah Tan? The one in the same army camp as us?"
Limpeh: "Yeah.. why leh?"
Greywolf: "He recently got married leh... and he is complaining already."
Limpeh: "Knn... married already. Can have sex what the fuck is he complaining about?"
Greywolf:"Yeah... he is having sex though.. but worst off than the days that she was his girlfriend. Now is wife liao, so everything can negociate one."
Limpeh: "NEGOCIATE??!?!?! WTF?"
Greywolf: "Yeah lor... must do this.. do that...then they have sex.."
Limpeh:"hahahaha...."
So we concluded that our bruuder Ah Tan, indeed did have sex and a life (or maybe no life), but he is defintely not living by limpeh's definition of Sex life.
We men, want a sex life.
Not just Sex and a married life.
Women just dont understand.
We men also want a life of sex.
Not just a life with occassional sex.
All said.
Limpeh rather go watch football, drink beer and pay for sex.
Just like our starhub cable tagline:
"Just press the V.O.D button"
Paid sex is like:
"Just pay and press the char bor button. No worries. No negociation. No string attached. Fuck and go."
Period.
- Mood: horny
"Yeah... who is that?" Limpeh asked.
"Good afternoon, Mr Fatty Foo. This is John. Calling from XXX photography studio. You are specially selected to come down for a make over photo shoot for you and your family or even your partner! All free of charge!"
"So when can i arrange a time for you?"
Another cold call.
These buggers don't even knw that limpeh is the king of cold call.
Limpeh do cold call for a living.
Limpeh live and breathe Cold call..... ...
Limpeh replied calmly: "Is that john?"
"I would really love to take the offer...BUT im BLIND."
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*Slience*
"John? You there?" Limpeh asked nicely.
John: "Im so sorry sir..... ...."
Dead phone tone..... *TTTTTTTTuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..............................*
Period.
- Mood: horny
Not bad leh.
Limpeh find that most of the chicks who like tattoo ones are all chio and knw how to dress up.
Somemore, most of them are wearing bits and pieces of cloths (not clothes) so that they can show their skin...
Think already also si beh steammmmm......
Anyways......
Me and Greywolf were ard Geylang for our Supper and Beer...
Me: "Brudder... u hungry? Want to go eat frog leg porriage?"
Geywolf: "You are really a cheebye. Just now, got dinner dont want to eat.. now then you hungry... some more, my gf coming to meet me later leh."
Me: "Fuck lah.. still can go together what... then you both can go Hotel 81 and happy lah.."
With all said..
Both of us did nt get to meet up with his gf....
As expected.. the gf didnt want to join us.
So we stuck to our plan to go GEYLANG!!!!!!
"Wah.. This one not bad huh?
"Okie lah.. if you want.. you can try it out lah...see whether it's really nice or not?"
"Don't want leh... wait watse money on the thing not suitable."
"We walk further down, maybe got more things to see..."
The one on the left behind the window 3rd from the second row.. looks good."
"Wah... not bad leh... the lightings really bring out the beauty... this one can try"
"You better see poperly. The one behind a glass panel is different in real life... got reflection.."
Sound like 2 girls shopping for ard in a shooping center right?
WE are Window Shopping.
Yeah.... almost right.
Just that, we are, 2 boys, window shopping for in the "aquarium" for char bor..
That's window shopping for us.
Period.
- Mood: horny
When limpeh was younger.. all limpeh's friends and limpeh can't wait to go for all these stoopid countdown.
Christmas... New year...
Why?
Because, during the recent gathering, we were observing all the teeny boopers and those kids dressed to kill for the count down.
We were all talking that we were all like that.
Just waiting for the final moment.
Turn around and start hugging all the good looking chicks around.
We were also hopping to lose our virginity ard the time.
It is the easiest time.
All so romantic for the girls.
Presents, fireworks... complete with dinner and drinks...
Now that limpeh and friends are older.. we simply go to a KTV.
Pay and you get to drink and confirm get a fuck.
Why spend $$$ and not sure you get the fuck you want or not?
Now, we pay, we choose and we fuck.
No committment.
No strings attached.
Simple.
Men.
God gave us 2 heads.
But
Only have enough blood for 1 at a time.
PERIOD.
- Mood: horny
Fuck.
Limpeh want to meet client, client also don't want to meet me.
Anyways...
Got to positive. Not HIV positive. Just positive.
So as usual, Limpeh was drinking with my brudders and some 'Chai'
So the chicks had a conversation.
AS USUAL...
The chick ask: "So what X'mas presents you buying for me?"
Ning Nah beh...
Limpeh was thinking: "How many times am I fucking you...ccb..."
The Chick: "I have not been naughty this year.. so do i get my present? (LV bag hinted.)"
Limpeh was thinking:
"CCB, that's the reason for limpeh not buying for you! I want my char bor to be naughty! very Naughty! No Need to be nice to me at all!"
PERIOD.
- Mood: horny
Now we can all carry guns where ever we go!
For those brubbers to don't like getting ablowjobs. (Which Limpeh don't knw why.)
QUESTION:
" How do you get your girlfriend not to give you a blowjob."
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"MARRY HER."
Fuck. Truth hurts.
- Mood: horny
If today, Limpeh was to buy a 2nd hand Motor bike.
It has proven performance.
Can take any rider.
Come with a free Motor Bike helmet.
Come with a free Motor Bike cover.
Come with a free Motor Bike box.
How?
Buy 1, come with 3 freebies.
Good deal?
Then again, what do you think, if it is a human being?
The motor bike is a divorced woman.
The motor accessories are are kids along with her?
Can take?
Period.
- Mood: horny
(Complete with my super nickname, how dumb can they be!)
> Dear Jane Pokecheebye > Thanks for your response and your angelic approach > to this.Thank God for > whom you are and note that your status as a believer > is a plus to this > transaction. All modalities have been put in place > for the transfer and I > anticipate your prompt cooperation to see to the > sucess of this transaction > and the purpose of my final decision as directed by > God.I hope the fund when > it get to your hand will be judiciously used for > the upliftment of the work > of God in your area.Thanks for all i care.It is my > dream come true. > > Please forward to me your informations as stated > below > (1)Your full names: > (2)Contact address: > (3)Tele/cell numbers: > (4)Occupation: > (5)Age: > (6)Sex: > {7}Company Name{If Any}: > {8}Nationality: > for my attorney to contact you for us to proceed > immediately.Please expedite > action is needed May the Goodlord continue to guide > and protect us. > Peace of the lord be with you. > Best Regards, > Mrs Azalina Armed My REPSONSE: Dear Ahmed, This is so overwhelming for you! How are you taking this over there? What cancer do you have? Because i have this very good medicine that cures my neighbour, how can i send to you? I can send to your hospital, please inform me. Is your husband already properly buried? Tell me more to help you. God Bless all of us. Please tell me which church do you go? I've told you my name is Jane Pokecheebye and i am a social worker. I come from Malaysia which is very far away from London. Warmest Regards, Miss Jane Pokecheebye Keep you all posted if there is anymore reply from this asshole.. Limpeh is getting a kick out of this thing.
- Mood: horny
Every now and then, limpeh always chosen to be the LUCKY one to be chosen to win the MILLION $$$ lottery
Or maybe inherit that money that somebody died and the poor widow have problem withdrawing.
PROMISE YOU THAT IT's GONNA BE A INTERESTING READ.
How Limpeh is gonna to scam this mother fucker.
This is the intial email, complete with a Wikipedia link, was sent to limpeh:
Dearly beloved, > > I am Mrs Azalina Ahmed Based in london. My husband > who share the same last name with you died in the > tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in > Sumatra Indonesia. before he died, We were married > for eleven years without a child. > > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake> > > Since his death I too have been battling with both > cancer and fibroid problem hence I am > suffering.Recently, my doctor told me that I would > not last for the next three months due to cancer > problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke > sickness. > When my late husband was alive he has a deposited of > US$19 Million dollars(nineteen million dollars) > with a security company firm .Having known my > condition I decided to donate this fund to either a > charity organization or a trustworthy > individual,that will utilize this money the way I am > going to give instruction with all sincerity to fund > orphanages homes,the less privilege and the windows > so the the fund will not be confisticated > > I do not have any child that will inherit this fund > and my husband relatives are into idolatry worship > and I don’t want a situation where this money will > be used in an unholy manner, hence the reasons for > taking this bold decision in contacting you. > > As soon as I receive your reply, I shall give you > the contact of the Finance Security Company where > the diplomatic consignment was Deposited for > safekeeping. I will also issue an order of authority > to the security company, authorizing them that the > said luggage has been willed to you and a copy of > such authorization will be forwarded to you. I want > you and the believers / community where you reside > to always pray for me. My happiness is that I lived > a true devoted life worthy of emulation. > > Please always be prayerful all through your life and > let me trust you.Any delay in your reply will give > room in sourcing for another person / organization > for this same purpose. You will have 25% out of the > total amount for all your time to carry out this > dream and to cover whatever expenditures to claim > this fund. > > Please forward to me your informations as stated > below > (1)Your full names: > (2)Contact address: > (3)Tele/cell numbers: > (4)Occupation: > (5)Age: > (6)Sex: > {7}Company Name{If Any}: > {8}Nationality: for my attorney to contact you for > us to proceed immediately.Please expedite action is > needed. > Best Regards, > > Mrs Azalina Ahmed MY RESPONSE,complete with a Fake name: Dear Mrs Azalina Ahmed, i am very sorry to hear that. My name is Jane Pokecheebye and i from Malaysia. As we share the same religion, i am willing to help you. I am a social worker in Singapore, please let me know more on how to help you. Please take care Warmest Regards, Ms Jane Pokecheebye Let's see how he/she respond to the email Peiod.
- Mood: horny
Limpeh is not even talking about MLM, or that Network marketing.
Limpeh think that women are smarter than that.
They already devise a money making system far more profitable than that!
Limpeh overheard this at the pantry.
Smart woman: "What? You are single for 2 years? That is not a smart move."
Stupid Woman: "What you mean? I don't need a man to be happy..."
Smart women: "You know how much money you can save when you are in a relationship? All the presents, dinners, lunch..."
Stupid woman:"Even when im in a relationship, I will still pay for my part what..."
Smart women: "Okie, you say you pay everything yourself. Now that you are single for 2 years, you save more money or not?"
Chao Cheebye.
Limpeh didnt knw that the women nowdays are so smart.
Limpeh think that it is a scam all all along.
The relationship thing
The Marriage thing.
All the I LOVE YOU shit.
It's all about the MONEY!
To think about it, Limpeh's smart woman colleague is so right.
We men, pai seh leh.
Always want to pay for most of the things.
Food present and stuffs.
Okie, some of the women reader will think.
"Fuck. We pay for things ourselves too."
YEAH RIGHT.
If we no need to "romance" you, we can eat $2 chicken rice every other day.
We don't need that fancy resturant or even that nice shirt or even spend the money to dress up.
We just need our occassional dosage of beer, football(Which is free!) and that occassional 'Piak piak' in geylang.
Fuck.
Limpeh didnt know that the relationship is a scam all along.
Cheebye.
We man got conned all along.
And they say that women are made from a Man's rib.
Limpeh think that they had used part of our brain in the making process.
That is why, we can only think with a smaller head most of the time.
Period.
- Mood: horny
Want to find out whats your opinion.
Limpeh was having my Calsberg at my house kopi tiam, hanging out with my brudders for the weekend.
We are talking about all about our boy's outing and experience.
To be exact all our L.S.B experience. (La Sup Bar)
Limpeh was asking:
"You know, we are now young, good looking and got money to spend on L.S.B"
"Limpeh think that the girls over there also prefer us to those Ah pek."
GreyWolf:
"Wah lao eh brudder. You say until like that. Next time, in 20 years time, we also Ah Pek leh."
Ultraman:
"Bros, I think by that time we would have stopped chionging to these places liao. We already have kids and wife leh. If we still go these kind of places, it's si beh sinful. Kena find out, Wife divorce us, Parent-in-law hate us, kids will don't like us..."
So the argument goes...
If a guy like us, go to L.S.B. It's Ok.
No wife.
No GF.
No Liabilities.
But if a guy with family, it's a different story.
BUT, the point is, If a blue collar worker, Single, in his 40's go and visit prostitute, it is less sinful or can be forgiven for visiting those prostitiute in Geylang?
Some of my bros, think that it is okie.
Sometime, the wife after sometime, we just can fuck anymore.
We got to be loyal to her, as a wife, responsibility to family.
Men just need sex.
Women want a man who is responsible.
Men just need a women to take care of the children.
Men just want to provide for them.
A fair business transcation.
Men can love the wife.
But maybe not the sex part.
When we visit those PRC in Geylang, it's also purely a transcation.
It's okie.
As a business transcation, if a 40 year old man, who is single who needs sex.
Why fault them?
One need them
One willing to provide.
There is only so many time, that a man can PCC rite?
And those who is married, the wife dont really want to have sex all the time.
If husband wants to have it all the time, then the wife also be angry about it.
Why force it?
Jsut pay for it.
Simple solution isn't it?
Period.
- Mood: horny
Limpeh was talking to a new found friend today at a event in Community Centre.
Cheebye.
Didnt know that that kind of ''profile" of personality will be reading limpeh's blog.
Now Limpeh is screwed.
Safety of Limpeh and my bro are all compromised.
We live by: "If Limpeh got to tell you, Limpeh got to kill you" philosophy.
In the cyber space limpeh, can be the most idiotic asshole, without th need to be political and a place where we brudders can diary down all our sex-capades.
Sorry bros.
Now we are fucked.
No more bitching about the opposite sex anymore.
No more of our secrets on the cyberspace.
Period.
- Mood: crushed
"Deal or no Deal?"
"How? Can? If you want to do it then I give a Handjob, okie?"
So what's the story about?
Limpeh was talking cock with my bros.
Greywolf, my bro, recently got himself a girlfriend, who he trying to sian for some time.
He was like telling us, how good she was.
How horny she is all the time before, she is officially his girlfriend.
How independent she is.
How he can talk to her about anything under the stars, just like one of us, like a brudder.
Today, after 6 months with her as his official girlfriend....
"Chao Cheebye. Last time simi ma eh sai. Now everything also must ask permission from her."
"Last time, she is like so independent, I can go chiong with all of you , nowaday, she will start whinning, saying that she is my Girlfriend, and expect me to spend more time with her. She is not my O.N.S"
"Last time, she si like anytime can 'piak piak'. Now she is a DEAL or NO DEAL girl."
Nah Beh.
What Deal or no deal?
I thought is like Limpeh fantasy, Andrea Fonseka. * slurp slurp*
Understand from my bro, is that nowaday, she is always asking a deal or no deal.
Like spend more time with her... ....
Buy her things.. ...
All the shit like that.
My bro, as usual, it is always a Deal.
How? What's the advice for my bro?
Deal or no deal for him to continue the relationship with his char bor?
- Mood: horny
Recently, limpeh was at Chomp chomp eating Wanton Mee with all my brudders..
Hear about the Serangoon Saga again.
Make limpeh blood boil!
Limpeh tell you..
Those living in Ang moh chu, especially those in Serangoon Garden ones all think they are sibeh "ATAS"
Phua Cheebye.
Don't those in Serangoon Garden know that those who build their houses are those "Ah neh", Thai, Chinese ALL helped to build their houses.
Some claim: "I don't want "those people", staring at my daughter."
Come on....
You yourself last time also 'ti kor pek', correct or not?
Or your husband 'Ti kor' you also right?
If people want to see, means your daughter very chio right?
Meaning to say her father is yan tao or mother is chio right?
Some Serangoon Garden resident say: "We want our privacy.."
Can... of course you can... If you yourself is rich and want privacy, go stay in Sentosa cove.
Don't be a half fuck rich ass, and start complaining asking that the piece of land belong to you.
You are living on an island, everything is small and compact.
Move to Sentosa cove.
SHit load of space for your privacy...
Some commented: "Move them to Jurong lah."
Limpeh FUCK YOU SO DEEEEEeeeeep!
Eveything you want to dump at Jurong.
Industry site at Jurong.
Current workers dorm at Jurong.
You think Jurong is a rubbish bin is it?
Phua Chee bye.
AND YES!!!
Limpeh live in Jurong!
Near Tuas in fact.
And limpeh never once complain.
Then a few Serangoon Garden Resident say: "They block the traffic."
I fuck you again.
You think you dont block the traffic?
Everytime double park. 1 household have 2 -3 cars.
What? You want to own the road?
THEY, the workers, build the road for you, you mother fucking serangoon garden assholes!
Again, some resident say: "they will increase the crime rate."
Why you say that? What proof do you have to say that they increase the crime rate?
Limpeh live in Jurong for decades and limpeh brother is a police officer.
It is the local who gets into problem with the law.
The workers just want to make money and fuck off.
Any brush with the law, they will be booted out and lose their job.
Baseless accusation.
Some are honest enough to say: "They will make the property price go down."
At least some mother fuckers got the balls to be honest.
BUT Limpeh fuck you once again.
Without them, you don't even have a property to stay in.
It is only 1,000 of them out of the half a million workers in Singapore.
If you are living in Prime area, just a small housing facility will not affect the prices much.
Singapore is just too small.
And you cannot have another Serangoon Garden.
Stoopid Assholeeeeee.....
Some resident replied: "But even if yo ulet them stay here, it won't solve the problem."
That is exactly, what I mean by not knowing what you are saying.
Limpeh fuck you again.
It is solving part of the problem
You so smart, tell me a fessible solution then.
Put them on Tekong?
Come on..
End of the day, it is all for your own selfish reasons.
You all are just scared of the unknown..
because all you are fucking pathetic lives, you have even differenciated yourself from the HDB dwellers.
Now you scared right?
To you , they are just like some unknown forces to invade into your santuary.
(Which you do not own)
You all are just selfish.
You all are just self centered.
You all just think that you are 1 level above the rest.
SELFISH.
PERIOD.
- Mood: horny
